Relationships – Proactive VS Reactive
I recently had a conversation with a client who mentioned that ever since they have been dedicating time to their personal development either through therapy, or coaching, or through various self-development group and personal develop programs, their marriage relationship has been so much smoother.
I thought about their comment.
Over the past 30 years of my own marriage I have consistently met with my therapist and mentor who lives in the UK and is now 85 years old!
It’s not about always being in a crisis, it’s about having someone asking me the questions that I wouldn’t think of asking myself.
It’s about having someone asking me to look at my blind spots that they can see but I can’t. — Until they ask me to look !
It’s about being challenged and even provoked at times. But that gives me clarity and can open up new possibilities. This leads to growth as a person.
Marriage relationships all have ebbs as flows – ups and downs. But overall, when reflecting on my own personal relationship journey, I can see that having put time aside for personal development has lead to a much smoother ride.
Less reactive times. More about being proactive with myself.
Is it always easy – definitely NOT.
It’s work. But it’s also work to dig yourself out of a reactive situation.
Which is a common cycle for many.
I’ve seen people dig themselves out of a relationship situation and get to a good place. Then they STOP. As if that’s all that’s needed.
That is like tuning a car engine one time and expecting it to run well for the next 20 years.
Those couples that invest in their own individual development often grow more smoothly as a couple.
Proactive VS Reactive.
Either way it’s going to be work.
My wife even wrote my therapist/mentor an email a few years ago thanking him personally for being such an important person for our family.
In Other Words… (Translation)
‘Thank you for working with my husband and keeping him desirable to be with all these years’ —– LOL
It’s been worth the investment.
What’s your take ? Proactive VS Reactive
Whether it’s therapy, coaching, a group program that challenges you, it’s important to keep evolving.
We’re either growing or deteriorating. There is no such thing as ‘I’m Good Now — don’t need to change or work on myself anymore.’
Your partner will let you know it’s time to grow one way or another.
I know mine would. Which is one of the reasons i decided to keep a step ahead when possible. Proactive is better than reactive.
Overall far less complaining, more complimenting, connecting, and encouraging.
The choice is yours.